It’s that time of year. The temperature is dropping, kids are going back to school, your dressing in sweatpants instead of jogging shorts and you’re starting to crave a pumpkin spice latte.

People are starting to ask you questions. Attendees from last year are asking if you’re going to lead again. The pastor is asking if you’re going to be hosting a small group this year. And finally, random people from church are texting asking ‘is your small group open’?

I don’t know about you, but even though I LOVE leading a small group, this season of small groups starting really stresses me out. Do you want to know why?

Two reasons:

1. I feel like I’m not in control (which is good, I’m just confessing here). 
2. I don’t want to hurt anyone. 

If someone asks if they can join our small group this season and I forget about them, or invite someone else, or take too long to respond – it can really hurt someone. Not only that, but it can impact the unity of the church. It can be messy. 

Because of that, I’ve laid out a seven-step process for this time of year. This process allows me to stay on track and clearly communicate to everyone that needs to be in the loop. It also helps me be transparent and open with people when they ask if they can join our small group this year. I tell them exactly where I’m at, and what I need to do before I can provide them an answer and invitation. 

1. Decide

Decide if you’re going to host a small group again this season. It’s alright if you don’t. Never do it because you feel pressured or obligated. Do it because you feel called to do it based on what you’ve read in the Bible, you’re special gifts and talents, and confirmation through fellowship. 

If you feel this is the right thing for you and it matches a need of the church, then do it with joy! 

Then you need to make all the logical decisions like when to meet, what days, how frequently, what you’ll study, if you’ll include a prayer time, if you want to share a meal together… (we have all kinds of other articles to help you with that if you want.)

Decide how big your small group should be. Pray about it. Again, don’t swell and bloat your group just because there are more needs you want to serve. Inviting people beyond your practical capacity will damage the fellowship and impact of the time more than it will help serve others that don’t have a small group yet. 

2. Communicate

Let your pastor, or other church leadership responsible for small groups, know you’re going to lead a small group this year. Talk to them about any of their expectations, recommended resource materials, or commitments that small group will have outside of the small group. (What I’m talking about here is sometimes the church will ask small groups to serve on a regular basis with things like church cleanup, fundraisers, or hosting missionaries.). 

Get the leadership blessing to lead a small group again this year. 

3. Committed members 

Invite all the committed members from last year. The exception to this is if your leadership asks you to mix it up. Some churches like small groups to break up and regroup with new people. There are advantages and disadvantages to this, but we won’t get into them at this point. 

The people who were committed to your small group last year, showed up regularly, contributed, prayed, and participated in fellowship should be the first people you extend an invitation to. They have should be treated like family and be on a first to know basis. 

If you had a conflict with someone, or had a ‘high-needs’ person in your small group, now is not the right time to address that problem by withholding an invitation to them. That conflict should be dealt with directly and transparently. It shouldn’t be handled by not inviting them back. This can lead to personal hurt and disunity. 

4.  Non-committed member

Talk to last year members that didn’t show commitment. If they’ve expressed they want to know if you’re hosting a small group this year, but didn’t make attendance last year, take the time to meet with them and discuss it. Express how much you care about them and love and support them (if that’s true). 

I just had to meet with a couple that verbally expressed they wanted to be in small group, but their actions didn’t show it. I explained we truly enjoyed having them, and we truly want what’s best for them. I encouraged them to consider their top priorities. I wanted them to consider where small group ranked among their priorities. There were no ‘wrong’ priorities, I just wanted to support them the best I could. If there were things in their lives that were a larger priority than small group, then we need to ask if they will conflict or compliment. That answer will help them determine the best answer. I explained that if they did decide to join, the invitation is open, but the expectation that they will be committed is also there. 

Honestly, these are tough conversations. But they are the most right thing to do. Deal with conflict. It shows you love and care about people. 

5. Serve

Ask the existing small group members if there is anyone on their hearts they wanted to invite to the small group this season. It’s SO hard giving up control! This step is so purifying and truly sets up that foundation of being a servant leader for the rest of the small group season. You’re submitting to them and asking who they want, not picking who you want. 

This shows you care about them and goes a long way with their trust of you leading them. 

6. Recommendations

If you still have openings, ask the pastor or leadership, if there is anyone specific they want you to extend an invitation to. Again this shows submission and servant leadership. It helps let go of that control we want to have over our groups. It’s always an exercise of faith for me to ask the church leadership if they recommend anyone for me to invite to the small group, and then be faithful and follow through with inviting that person. 

My personal experience is that they often recommend someone I do not want to invite. After submitting and inviting them, I learn the person is actually amazing and I’m disappointed that I didn’t get to know this person before. 

Pastors will often have the vision of small groups growing within the church to support the whole church fellowship, when we just have our own micro-small group in mind. I’ve found they often recommend people who have gifts and talents that either complement the small group, or that are potential future small group leaders and just need a year to come along aside and participate in a healthy small group. 

7. Invite!

If you’ve gone through all the previous steps and you still have availability in your small group, then you’re free and clear to extend an invitation to whoever you like. 

At this point, you’ve submitted through prayer, through serving your small groups requests, and by asking your leadership. At this point, you should have a peaceful spirit and feel good about welcoming those that might be on your mind or call your phone. 

Conclusion

I  hope this helps you if you’re struggling through some of the same things I do every year at the beginning of the small group season. 

By following these seven steps before inviting people to your small group you should have peace and excitement about the small group. You should be able to clearly communicate with people who ask you about your small group. And you should have a process to help you wrestle through being in control. And lastly, you should have a process that will help prevent people from being hurt. 

Now go enjoy that pumpkin spice latte!