Jesus introduced us to a crazy concept referred to as ‘servant leadership’. The qualities of this leadership style can be identified by doing the best, and most right thing, for those you lead. Laying down your own selfish temptations and desires so that to support the people you serve in their pursuits.  We can see this be a sacrificial act.

Being a “small group leader” means that you’re in charge of the small group. 

Being a “GREAT small group leader” means you are facilitating small group by becoming a servant to the members. This means:

1. Doing the hard things
2. Doing the not fun things
3. Doing most right things

Doing this requires you to be selfless and willing to push into the uncomfortable. Let’s dive into each one and the many situations that can come up to challenge your leadership skills so that you are ready and equipped to host an amazing small group. 

Part 1 – Focus on You

1. Have Faith

Go forward in faith. You should make the decision to be a GREAT small group leader because you love the Lord and want to say, “I love you” with your act of worship by loving His people. To please the Lord, and have your offering accepted it needs to be done in faith.

Hebrews 11:6 “But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him,”

Your faith needs to come from understanding the Word. Great small group leaders are rooted in the Bible. they read it regularly, they meditate on it, they pray through it. 

Hebrews 1:11 “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

Believe in faith that God can and will do great things in the lives of every small group member. And believe in faith, that only God can do those things. When we move forward without this faith, we can feel a burden to deliver an outcome that is out of our control. 

2. Dependency on God

Leading a small group, serving people, requires continual dependency on God. Jesus himself knew this and in response he would get away regularly to do this. 

Luke 22: 39 – 46 “Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and his disciples followed him. On reaching the place, he said t them, “Pray that you will not fall into temptation.” He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. When he rose from prayer and went back to the disciples, he found them asleep, exhausted from sorrow. “Why are you sleeping?” he asked them. “Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.”

There is a lot there. But the point I’m trying to make is that to be a great small group leader you need to depend on God. You need to go to Him earnestly and do not be passive about this. This is not a ‘sleeping’ role within God’s church. This is an active role, with many moving parts, moving people, and moving problems. It will require you to be activated.  Jesus doesn’t just demonstrate his dependency, he demands us to be dependent too.

Paul was wise enough to depend on Jesus. And he too tells us to do the same thing.

1 Corinthians 11:1 “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.”

3. Be Transparent

People will not be attracted to you because of how great you are, they will be attracted to you because of how you face challenges while being imperfect. So then, let your imperfection shine. 

2 Corinthians 11:30 “If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.”

Leaders set the standard and the example. Being honest and transparent about your weaknesses and failures breaks down the cultural standard and creates the foundation of Jesus. So many leaders make the mistake of feeling like they are on a pedestal and have to be perfect. By changing the way we see leadership and see focusing on what it means to be a servant leader like Jesus, we can see that our job is not to be on a pedestal, but in the muddy trench. You should think of yourself less than the others. A great goal to measure your transparency through is sharing something that reveals how imperfect you are once per small group. Let the material lead you in the area you decide to share in. This might be that you’ve lied before, that you’ve stolen, that you’ve lusted. We all fall short, and this is your opportunity to confess that and remind people of that. That points to Jesus and creates the culture that small groups need to grow and be dependent on Jesus. 

Because you know your identity is in Christ, you should not mind showing your failures because you won’t fear man’s opinion of you. 

I have seen no other attribute as directly impactful to the quality of a small group that the amount of transparency shared by the small group leader. Transparency is directly relational to the depth of fellowship. 

Part 2 – Focus on Others

4. Be a Servant

“Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave – just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many”

Matthew 20:26-28

Leading means serving. To be a great small group leader you’ll need to be great at serving. The people who do serving the best, are the people who choose to do it from an abundance of overflowing love. The wrong type of serving is done from obligation. It’s also easy to serve people you like, it’s harder to serve difficult people or those that don’t appreciate it. You are called to serve as a leader and one thing that help is remembering every time you serve someone, with the right heart, it is an act of worship to the Lord. 

“rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death – even death on a cross!”

Philippians 2:7-8

5. Be Respectful

You need to love those in your small group. Nothing says ‘I love you’, like being respectful. There are three areas that you will surely have the opportunity to show respect to small group members.

First, when they share their thoughts and opinions on the small group material. Their opinion doesn’t need to be positive. They can share about whatever is on their mind, as long as it’s not disrespectful to someone else. Give them the room and allowance to share what they want. Even if their opinion or perspective is different than yours, affirm them. 

Second is time management. By serving them and watching the clock you are saying that you love them. Time management can be a really difficult thing. When small groups go over schedule, sometimes leaders can make the mistake of thinking that was because it was so great, and everyone was contributing. The truth is that if everyone wanted to keep contributing, they can choose to stay later after you adjourn small group and give people permission to be excused. They will see this was hard, and you did it for them. You did it to be respectful. You put yourself in an uncomfortable position of interrupting a great conversation so that you could respect their time. 

The third area is how you communicate the faith you have to the small group members. Very seldom will two people be in the very same position of faith and belief. This means that you need to live out who you are and your faith, without being condemning or disrespectful towards members who are not in the same state at the moment. You are called to be an example. Your example of how you live your life, and you sharing why you do that will be so much more powerful than telling people what they need to change, and how they need to act. Be patient with small group members that don’t exhibit a life of perfection. They joined a small group so that they can grow in Jesus. The Bible tells us to be respectful. 

“But in your hearts revere Christ Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.”

1 Peter 3:15

Push into the uncomfortable

What will you do when a difficult situation comes up? Will you be passive about it our will you push into it? This character attribute will define your leadership. 

Here’s a perfect situation, Chirs and Beca were not able to make it to the small group tonight. You announce to the group they won’t be attending. Rich and Jen take this as an opportunity to start sharing all the things they think are wrong with Chris and Beca. How will you handle this?

Personal Story:

We had someone that was difficult in our small group. We would consider them a ‘high needs’ person. Someone else from the small group had a wonderful idea to invite everyone over to their house to have fun and play games one night. As we were about to confirm we would come, we reviewed the invite list and found the ‘high needs’ person was not on the list of people they invited. Oh man,… what should I do? The first thing is ask an uncomfortable question about the event so I don’t assume that is not right. So I responded to the invite asking, “He this a small group event, or just a bunch of friends?” There was no response at first. Then after several hours, the response came, “This is just a bunch of friends.” I felt gross, because all the ‘friends’ on the list were small group members, and no one on the list was NOT a small group member. Next, we prayed about it and asked for wisdom on how to handle this. We knew that, even though we wanted to, we could not attend. If the ‘high needs’ person ever learned we all had a party without them, it would cause a lot of hurts. We could not be associated with this and because the person that invited us responded this was just a friends event, we did not feel it a priority to attend as we would of with a small group event. We followed up with them and were direct and honest. We said, “We are choosing not to attend, thanks for the invitation.” We wanted to start by focusing on our actions, and our response. We prayed that God would convict them about this decision and lead them to do the right thing. When we were finally able to talk to them face to face we brought it up and explained what we saw in this situation. We explained our response and why we made it. We then asked them how they felt. They confessed and told us the truth that they did originally want it to be a small group event, but they didn’t feel comfortable inviting this person over. So when they received our response it made sense to them. Honestly, I would have liked this story to have a better ending, but I it doesn’t at this time. 

There are going to be times where something is not right. You will need to push into that. Without spending a lot of time on the topic, there is something called fear. Fear has many definitions, but I believe it’s an early warning system God has given us. The action of moving into fear is called courage. You need to be courageous when you feel fear so that you can push in. The hard thing is most of these situations will include people. It seems like we’re all messed up, so approaching a messed up person, about a messed up problem, from someone who is messed up, is messy! Here are a few things that can help you approach a messy situation:

• Remove the speck from your own eye – check your heart and motivation
• Approach them softly, and with your own confessions and humility
• Point out what you see, not what is right and wrong

6.  Love

“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”

1 John 4:8

You can act like a leader, you can act like your serving, but if it’s done without love it doesn’t count. You need to love authentically. The best way to love authentically is to feel fulling loved and be connected to Jesus. Spending time with Him in the Word and in prayer will bring a fruit of outpouring love.

“If I speak in the tongues of mean or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I posses to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.”

1 Corinthians 13:1

7. Sacrifice

“I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep”

John 10:11

Sacrifice rides behind ‘Love’ because sacrifice is a type of love. It’s opposite of convenient love. Sacrificial love costs you something. Read that it again. It will cost you something. 

Sacrificially loving someone means putting their needs higher than your own. It means laying down your life, like Jesus did you for you, for someone else. This can take different forms:

– what you want to say

This might be wanting to share something in small group, but not sharing so that you give others an opportunity share. 

– what you want to do

Personal Story:

I was excited to see an action movie that just got released at the theater. I’m also always looking for opportunities to love my small group members by calling them out of the blue and just inviting them along with me to do something. I called and invited my friend to join me for a movie. Instead of him asking me which one, he told me what he was excited to see. We watched his movie, and I was excited about (well that’s not totally honest, but I was excited to love on him.)

– the way you want things

We all seem to have control issues. We all have areas we want to keep control over, whether it’s where the toaster sits on the counter top, or the timeline and agenda of the evening. 

– serve them in need

Peoples needs don’t seem to come at a convenient time. Be willing to quickly sacrifice your time and money to serve people in need. 

8. Be Bold / Correct

Sometimes when we’re trying to be humble and meek we think about being quiet and reserved.  A great small group leader will not be passive about sin issues, or conflict, or disunity. As long as the other attributes of a great leader are present; dependency, faith, love, transparency, then you should be bold. Bold in the truth, bold in what the Word of God says.

“And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.”

1 Thessalonians 5:14 – 15

That’s not a role that a passive person can do. That’s going to be hard even for someone that is bold. You need to be strong bold leader that does it because you love Jesus and want to do the most right thing. 

Listen to this command of a leader in 2 Timothy 2:25: “Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.”

You are being asked to be bold enough, and do it gently – not aggressively or with anger, to save people from becoming captive of the devil. Don’t be passive, be bold. Be bold in love and faith. 

9. Encourage / Motivate

A great small group leader is always looking to encourage others. They themselves get excited about the faith walks of those around them. They strive to help them improve their faith and fellowship. Encouragement can be delivered through the power of our words, it can be passed in our prayers, it can be seen in our smiles and reactions, and it can be felt in our touch. People love being affirmed and encouraged. We receive to little of this in the world. Be that person that loves others with encouragement. Encourage them to stay strong, keep reading, keep walking, keep getting back up, and keep the faith. 

Paul was a great encourager. He always let people know he was thinking about them and praying for them. How would it feel to have a power house like Paul cheering for you?! How awesome is that. I’ve often been humbly dumbfounded when someone from small group tells me that they see me as a spiritual powerhouse, or superhero. In one hand, I want to deflate their idea of me quickly. On the other hand, I want to use the way they look at me to encourage them and build them, let them know I’m on their side cheering for them. 

“I thank God, whom I serve, as my ancestors did, with a clear conscience, as night and day I constantly remember you in my praters. Recalling your tears, I long to see you, so that I may be filled with joy. I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also.”

1 Timothy 6:3 – 5

How encouraging is that? What sticks out you about Paul’s message to Timothy? To me, it’s that he is filled with joy when he thinks about Timothy. I love that. 

10. Point to Jesus

The last, but most important thing, a great small group leader does is point people to Jesus. Even if you fail in every other area,  you can still be a great leader if you continue to point them to Jesus. 

“Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the father except through me.”

John 14:6

If this truth is known, then they will have eternity to work on and perfect all the things in their life they want to grow in. These temporal things don’t matter at all when we consider our eternity with the maker and creator of all things.

Even if you are able to achieve all these great leadership qualities, you cannot change anybody. You are only increases the opportunity to point people to Jesus. By being transparent you are pointing to Jesus more than if you were not. By being faithful, you are increasing the opportunity to point people to Jesus. By being a servant, or being bold, or encouraging, all these things are ways to point to Jesus. 

“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love on another.”

John 13:15

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

John 3:16

Summary

Leadership is serving and influencing others.  The only indication if you’re successful at leading by looking if anyone is following. 

Leading is hard but it’s a good calling. It will be rewarding to obedient to God if this how you are called.

Start by focusing on your relationship with God. Then focus on serving and loving others. You will fail. When you do, ask for their forgiveness. Share your struggles along the way. All of this will pave the way for future small group leaders, and most of all glorify God.