A lot goes into leading a small group. From finding the material to getting small group members on board, to set the schedule and the frequency of the meetings. In addition to that, there is a weight of keeping the conversation going, dealing with high needs people, helping members stay in the Word. But this is the just the stuff that happens during small group. As a leader, there are also things you should be outside of the small group. In this article, we will dive into the X traits that great small group leaders do outside of the small group. 

Pray

Kicking it off with number one is praying for your small group members outside of the small group. During the small group, you will ideally have a time when people can share their prayer requests. As a leader, it’s a really cool thing to write down these requests in a notebook and revisit them throughout the week. Being praying for the member regularly.

Personally, what I like to do is have a prayer card in my Bible with all the categories I like to pray about divided across the week. Then during my quiet time ( a time I read the Bible and pray), I reference my prayer card. I add ‘small group’ to my prayer reference card so that I’m sure to be praying for them. 

A great thing you can do to show people you love them is tell them you’ve been praying for them. It means so much to a small group member when you approach them weeks after an initial prayer request and tell them that you’re still praying about (insert topic) and ask them how it’s going. Often you’ll see a look of surprise and delight that you’ve been thinking about them and doing what you can to support them.  

Write Notes of Encouragement

This is probably the area I”m most weak in. No, actually it’s picking up the phone. But taking the time to write a note to someone encouraging them the positive things you see in their life and in their spiritual growth is extremely encouraging to small group members. 

As the giver of this note, it can feel initially weird as a guy to write another guy a note. But if you’ve ever been the recipient of an encouraging note you’ll know it’s not weird at all. Matter of fact it’s super encouraging because for some reason guys don’t typically write notes of encouragement, so getting one means you’re pretty special. 

In these notes try to be specific. CAll out one or two specific things you’ve observed in their life. 

Ask people to join you

Do you only think of small group members during small group? Show them that you think of them outside of the small group and that they are more than a project you’re working on once a week. They are important in your life and you like to spend time with them. 

If you’re like me, this can be tough to do with a busy schedule. I look for opportunities to invite as many people alongside me as I can at the same time. Most of the time only one or two can make it. If I decide I’m taking a minute night out to go out or watch a movie, I’ll text them and see if anyone wants to join me. If I’ve got to do an errand that’s a ways away I’ll ask if anyone else needs anything and wants to ride along. These are great ways to continue to do whatever I was going to do, and invite others to join me. Often I find these are the most relaxed times because they already have a purpose and agenda, and we’re just hanging out in the meantime in contrast to scheduling a time to hang out and then trying to figure out what to do together.

After talking about this concept with my wife she feels that this might be more beneficial to men, as we enjoy shoulder to shoulder time more. Women enjoy face to face time more. So as men, if we’re just hanging out (shoulder to shoulder) getting something done it makes for a great time rather than sitting across for each other talking. For her, she would much prefer to avoid any work while getting together with other women from the small group and instead schedule a time talking over coffee or whatever else they do. 

One way I’ve done this in the past is working out with resistance training. It comes up at small group and someone will express they want to get into shape and start working out. I’ll begin to ask them questions and try to find out what’s stopping them. If it’s anything I might be able to help with I’ll think of inviting them over to my home gym to train with me. I’m not a big guy, but other guys don’t usually feel comfortable working out in front of others when they’re just trying to get back into shape. I’ve only had one other guy take me up on this and that has turned into an amazingly close relationship that has been bonded by this shared past time. We are always so excited to catch up and share what we’re working on, our new personal bests, and the changes we’ve made to our routines. So my point is, even though not very many have taken me up on my offer they have felt encouraged I was thinking about them and the one person that did has transformed into an amazing friendship I’ll have for the rest of my life. 

Another practical way I’m planning on doing this is inviting others to join me for a bike riding. I use to mountain bike a lot, and kind of fell out of the habit. I want to get back to riding again and for now, just want to hit the back roads and start getting to use to riding again. For those you that ride, you know you have reacclimated to riding. I’ve shared this idea with a bunch of others and tried to survey who might be interested in joining me. I tagged them in my contact list and plan on giving them a shout out when I go for a ride and asking if they want to join. 

Text, or call – Let people know you’re thinking of them

Any opportunity you can take to regularly let your small group friends know you’re thinking about them is a win. Another easy peasy way to rock this out is by sending them a quick text letting them know you’re thinking of them and think they are awesome. 

We were sitting around on New Year’s Eve and had the idea to go around and say something we were thankful for. One of us said we were thankful for our small group friends. What a great idea! We took that to the next level and agreed to take a few minutes to just send a text to people on our mind letting them know we were thankful for them. I never expected anything in return from this action, but over the following weeks, I got a ton of comments on how cool that was. I could tell this really meant a lot to brothers I sent the short but meaningful text to. 

Get them a gift, or book

Got a couple bucks to spare? There is seldom a better investment to spend it on other than relationships. I believe wealth is equal to relationships. If you believe that to take a minute to order an extra copy of one of your favorite books, write a quick handwritten note inside the cover and give it to someone in your small group. 

I’ve found we live in an age, where people don’t spend money on others and instead spend it on selfish ways on themselves. When you get a gift for someone else, even if it’s just five or ten bucks, it means a ton to them. 

After having lunch with a friend a few years back, I got him a copy of a book I really enjoyed on the topic we talked about over lunch. It was related to an issue he brought up over lunch. During that time I remember that I felt I had a lot to say on the subject, but instead didn’t want to come across like I was giving advice, and instead elected to just try to be a good listener. I asked some questions and this really drew the issues he was having out. Our time ended due to time restrictions. So I ordered a copy of the book, wrote a quick handwritten note inside the cover and mailed it to him. I received a phone call from him a couple days later. He was almost in tears. My response, of a gift, had meant so much to him. He never had anyone do that before. Wow, it was a really cheap way to love on somebody and I’m so glad I didn’t second guess myself. Now I look for opportunities like that and get excited about what book to pick out. Since then, and it’s been years, he still brings it up how cool that was. The book still sits on his shelf next to his desk and whenever he looks at it he thinks about me and what a great friend I am to him. How cool is that?

Host Events

Do you like pickles? HOst a jarred pickle taste testing. Buy five or ten different varieties of pickles and have the guys come over and sit around and taste all the pickles. Maybe pickles aren’t your thing.

What is your thing? For me, I like to watch the occasional UFC event.  So I invite the small group guys over to join me. I host it in my man cave and have some snacks and beverages. I personally spend quite a bit of money on this event. I look at it as a gift to the guys. The UFC event will usually cost me around sixty dollars, and then I can easily spend another forty on snacks and drinks. If you’ve ever watched one before you’ll know they last a few hours and provide a whole evening of entertainment. We have some fun bets over who we think is going to win and yell out the moves we’d make if we were in the octagon against the opponent (pretty comical). 

Do you like board games? How about a board game night? I have a bunch of board games I love to play, but they are too complicated for my usual crowd (if you know what I”m saying). So instead I’ll invite the small group over to play Risk or Settlers of Catan or Great Western Trail. I try to be nice and share this opportunity with the others and invite them to pick a game to bring. Once someone brought a super long game called Shogun. Another time the guy I asked to pick the game just brought a deck of cards – very old school of him. We ended up playing about five different versions of poker. I learned a lot and he felt honored to play his the games he grew up playing with his dad, with us instead. 

Conclusion

Try to bring the relationships you have with the people in your small group into the rest of your life, and break out containing them to just small group. Invite them to be a part of who you are and get to know them at a deeper level. 

Tell them, show them, demonstrate to them that you love and appreciate them and support the spiritual journey they are on. Encourage them and pray for them to continue reading, praying and participating in fellowship. By doing this not only will you turn small group members into lifetime friends, but you’ll be transforming into a great small group leader.