When you’re in a small group together you want to have a common agreement of expectations across all the members. You as a leader need to express that it’s important for people to show up to the small group, make it a priority, call when if they can’t make it, and respect other people. 

That’s what a small group covenant does. It clarifies all the expectations and standards about being in a small group and puts them in a document so everyone can read, understand, and agree to them. 

Create a small group covenant that is succinct, clear, short, and directly to the point can be difficult. You don’t want to have present everyone with an eight-page legal document, but you do want to equip with something to agree to. 

That’s why we’ve created this article, and provided you some free downloadable examples of a small group covenant. These documents attempt to outline the major expectations and standards everyone in the group should agree on before moving forward into conversations that could expose sensitive information that people have expectations on how people handle. 

We’ll cover the major topics we feel should be addressed in a small group covenant and detail the reasons why. You’re welcome to use the templates below for your own group. We encourage you to review them, edit them, change them and make them your own. Use them as a guide and starting point to cover the topics you feel should be addressed so that each and every member of the small group feels safe and welcome being a part of this amazing fellowship we call small group. 

Here is the first covenant example we will review. Download it here:

Purpose Statement

Start the covenant off with answering the ‘why’. Why do you have this document? Why are you reviewing it? What purpose does it have? 

This is your opportunity to share with everyone that it’s important 

Priority

Statement: We agree to make Small Group a priority in our life. That means we will do our best to read the material, show up on time, and attend meetings regularly.

What we’re really trying to communicate here is that small group needs to be a priority. It’s not something you do in your free time when you feel like and there is nothing else going on. Don’t sacrifice small group to watch Netflix, or catch the football game. To create a fellowship as deep as we want you to need people that treat small group members like family. They make fellowship a priority. 

When you consider where your family falls on a list of priorities, it’s close to the top, hopefully in the top three. It’s sometimes good to spend extra time on this one to really let it sink it. One way of doing this is an exercise I like to call ‘Pour Out Like An Offering’. In the Old Testament a ‘drink offering’ was a common practice that was first seen in Genisis 35:14. But here in Philippians, it’s related to someone pouring out their life. 

Philippians 2:17  “But even I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you.”

What would it mean for the small group members to pour out their life like a drink offering? How about giving up somethings they currently view as important in their life? Are they willing to do that? That can pour those things out as an offering to Jesus so that His kingdom is glorified. Sacrifice old priorities in your life for new ones that honor the Lord. This includes reading the Bible, attending church, and coming to the small group. 

2 Timothy 4:6 “For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time for my departure is near.”

Pass out notecards and pens to everyone in the small group and pray that anything that they feel might inhabit them from committing to attending small group is laid at the feet of Jesus and made an offering to Him. Wait in silent prayer for some time. Then ask if anyone feels led to offering something, they write it on the card and fold it up as their offering. If they don’t have anything, just fold their card. Then pass a plate or bowl around and have people place their offering on the plate. Once you’ve collected all the offerings, pray that they would honor God and He would accept them. If you can set them on fire in the chimney, or tear them to shreds so that no one can read them. After they are destroyed, celebrate and thank everyone for their offering. Thank them for making the small group a priority in their lives. 

Protect

Statement: We agree to keep things that are shared in small group confidential. Personal things shared by others in group should be treated as confidential and not shared outside of the group without that person’s permission.

This is probably the most critical piece of the covenant. To be clear, we’re telling (not asking) that things shared in the small group stay in the small group. You need to be crystal clear.

If there is ever a time that someone from the small group shares sensitive information outside of it to someone else, it can be an absolute disaster. It’s really hard for a small group to recover once this happens. That’s because the relationship between the two parties now has disunity between them.  The rest of the members of the small group often will withdrawal from the relationships so that they are not associated with the conflict, or they will tend to support one side of the conflict more than the other. It’s hard to capture this issue, place it in the open in front of the whole group, and get complete agreement over what and who is wrong.  It’s my experience too that if someone doesn’t yet have the respect for a relationship that allows them to share information outside of the group, it can also be difficult for them to identify a fault in the issue and confess to this mistake. 

So the very best thing you can do is bring this up at the beginning of the small group season and review it with everyone clearly. 

There are couple exceptions to this rule. One is in the case of married couples. The Bible says that two will become one. 

Matthew 19:4-6 “He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man seperate.”

That means that a man and women that are married should be treated as one. Nothing from the man should be kept from the wife, and nothing from the wife should be kept from the man. This includes information. You can take this opportunity to encourage people to question their heart before sharing information so that they are not motivated by gossip, but a man and women that are married should be free to share information together. 

There are times when women in the small group might want to share information in confidence with another woman. Or a man with a man. In this situation, it should be the responsibility of the person deciding to share information they don’t want to be shared with the spouse to bring that up and ask if that’s alright before sharing. It’s then up to the person receiving the information if they want to listen to this sensitive information and agree to make it private. A couple points to emphasize:

1. It should be assumed that sensitive information can be shared with spouses

2. It’s the responsibility of the person sharing sensitive information to ask for an exception.

3. The person sharing should ask before sharing.

4. The person listening has the opportunity to make the decision. 

Respect

Statement: Treat each other with respect. That means listening with respect, and not providing ‘advice’ without them asking. That also means to be attentive of how long you share and give others the opportunity.

To many, respecting them is loving them. When we examine what it means to be a great small group leader (Article: How To Be a GREAT Small Group Leader) it’s clear that respecting people is critical. 

How do we respect one another? 

There are so many ways we can respect each other, but let’s focus on a few. First, the way we pay attention and listen when someone is talking. When someone is sharing what they learned from the material try to give them your full attention. It’s really hard to not start thinking about what you want to share with the group, or what you learned. 

Don’t try to ‘one-up’ someone’s story. Accept their story as stand alone. If your story is bigger or better than their story, bite your tongue and decide to share it with someone else outside of the small group some other time. If your story shows that you were listening and engaged then consider sharing it. One question you can ask yourself before adding to someone’s story is, “Will what I have to share shine more light onto them, or will it take light away from them?” If they are telling a story on how they were swimming in Mexico and seen a starfish, then sharing your story about how you were swimming in Mexico and see a shark, would take light away from them. But if you added that you’ve swum in Mexico also, and noticed the tides make you have to be careful, did they experience this? That would keep the light on them. 

Encouraging people is another way of respecting them. If they are telling the same story about swimming in Mexico, then encourage them by telling them that’s a brave thing to do might be encouraging. 

Asking questions is another great way to show respect. Following the same example you might ask, did they see anything else in Mexico they thought was interesting? Did they have any fears of traveling? Where did they stay and would they go back there? Paying attention to specific detail and asking a question about it is being a very good listener and shows great respect. 

The last thing I want to mention here about respect is time. You’ve asked a lot of your small group members to commit to making the small group a priority. You’ve gone as far as asking them to sacrifice other things in their lives that aren’t as important so that they can follow through on their commitment to this fellowship. In return, be respectful of their time. Watch the clock and be sure people feel free to leave when the small group was scheduled to end. Again, that’s the time they expected it would until, not the time every finally stops talking. If you have a great small group, which you will because you’re investing in learning all this stuff, you will have people who want to stick around and keep talking. Make sure you watch the clock, excuse people, and invite those that want to stick around afterward to socialize. 

Love

Statement: Treat each other as family. That means if there is hurt or conflict bring it up and discuss it. Deal with it with love and think the best of the other person. Try to be available for one another outside of the small group. This might mean talking a call to talk about an issue or help a friend in need.

The goal here is let people know that conflict resolution with the end goal of unity is the standard. Conflicts will happen and people will not always get along. That’s alright becuase we don’t’ have control over that. What we do have control over is how we handle it. God commands us to have unity. 

1 Corinthians 1:10 “I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in mind and thought.”

Colossians 3:13-14 “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

I love that last verse. It shows us that unity requires love. And that’s why this section of the small group covenant is titled ‘Love’. We need to pursue unity with love. Love is what motivates us. Sometimes love for one another is not enough to drive us to resolution. That’s when our love for the Lord takes over. Because we love Him, we can pursue this unity that otherwise is unattractive to us. It takes time and work and energy. We need to set the standard that’s what is expected from everyone in the small group so that we do not accept passivity for the convenience of sin. 

Contribute

Statement: Sharing what God reveals to you through the material, and in life, blesses others and we want the group to be one engagement and conversation. Please don’t just take, but give. Give your stories, give your time, give your energy

Speaking of passivity, we don’t want it at all. So that means we want people to invest energy and effort into the small group. They are expected to read and study the material. In another article, we discuss the analogy of a small group being like a spiritual feast. You should come hungry and you should bring something to share so that others can enjoy the feast. When people don’t invest in preparing to bring something to the small group it’s sad and awkward. One person will share something they got out of the material, and then it’s silent. 

So let people know how important it is that they contribute what they learn, what they are going through, what is on their heart, to small group so that it benefits everyone else. And in return others will bring something to share so that they have the opportunity to gain additional wisdom and insight into what an authentic life being lived out for Jesus looks like. 

Example #2

Below is another example of a small group covenant. You are welcome to download it, use it, change it, and make it your own. 

Download here: Small Group Covenant version 2.0

In this second example let’s look at a couple of minor differences. 

This version skips the purpose statement and jumps right into the business. You’ll want to decide if you want to just express why you have decided to distribute a covenant vocally, or if you’ll want to add it to writing. In my experience, everyone understands the purpose of this. They all want the same thing. If anything, reviewing the covenant together makes them feel better about the commitment they’ve made. Often people that have joined your small group are looking for ways to show you their loyalty to the small group early on. By reviewing this together it gives them the opportunity to verbally approve and show you they care. 

Priority

Statement: Because we believe in the value of fellowship, we agree to give priority to our group meetings. If we are running late, we will call ahead. We expect phones to be put aside or ignored during small group time, with the exception of providing a way for your children to call.

This is worded different than the first covenant and clearly states what should be considered a priority enough in someone to put away their mobile phones and not take calls or texts unless they are from children that need them. We live in a culture where somehow mobile phones have taken a priority in lives. If they ding, chirp, or vibrate, everything else gets dropped and put on hold to check the phone. Ideally, you’ll have a small group that can resist the temptation of checking their phones all the time. It’s good to give this expectation. This is probably the most referred to part of the small group covenant agreement. The most common offense against small groups has probably been cell phone distractions. If they get to the point where you need to talk to the person about it, this is a really good line to have previously agreed to so you have something to refer to. 

One caveat to this is how popular it has become to use mobile devices for reading the Bible, ebooks, and study material. They can be powerful reference tools and a quick way to look things up and do research. Allowing people to use the tools they want to use is just fine. This agreement isn’t in the covenant to police them or restrict their freedom. The agreement is there to protect the freedom of the other small group members so that when someone phone is disturbing the investment they are making in small group, it can be approached and dealt with. People using their mobile devices for Bible reference and such are not causing that kind of disturbance or interruption.

Confidentiality

Statement: We agree that whatever is shared here stays here. This includes what is shared through phone calls, e-mails, etc. We want this group to be a safe place to grow. We expect we can share with our spouses, as we don’t keep secrets. So, if you expect it not to be shared with your spouse, please ask if that’s acceptable before sharing.

What’s unique here is the specific call out about information shared outside of the small group. This might be something you want to consider further. This statement includes phone and email. 

Participation

Statement: We agree to encourage, support, and stand behind one another, choosing to see ourselves linked together.

Short and sweet. 

Accessibility

Statement: We agree to give one another the right to call in times of need—even in the middle of the night.

Very similar to the ‘Love’ statement in the first agreement. 

Openness

Statement: We will seek to be open and honest with each other. Our small group is a place where we can take off our masks, be ourselves, and be accepted for who we are.

This statement really calls people to be purposefully authentic and who they are. The first agreement doesn’t call this out. You’ll have to decide how much emphasis you want to put on this. Sometimes it’s better to just create a natural safe environment and people will, in turn, be authentic and transparent. Other times being transparent with our lives can feel very counter-cultural and needs to be called out and expected as if we are giving people permission. 

Respect

Statement: We agree to communicate in ways that are respectful and to give advice only when it is requested. We will strive to be available to one another and listen, encourage, support, and tell the truth in loving ways.

This hits on a major respect point that was not mentioned earlier. That is not giving advice. Advise is so tempting to give. I think this is one of the most mature attributes a believer can demonstrate, listening to someone share about a problem that they’ve been through and recovered from, but not offering any advise. This might not sound loving at first, but it is. Most of the time people share is to be affirmed and have someone share in their pain, it’s not to be solved. The best thing people can do is just mention they’ve been through something very similar and if they ever want, they are open to sharing their story. By sharing their story, they are opening up availability for the person to ask questions. 

Signing 

Personally, I don’t believe in signing the covenant. Asking someone if they have any conflicts or questions, followed by asking them if they agree to it is all you need. Having someone put their name in ink doesn’t make the document any more of an agreement. It only adds to the stress and potential conflicts that will take longer to resolve because they ‘signed’ it. Take their word. As said before, everyone actually wants this agreement, you’re just sharing it out loud. Matter of fact, the Bible says it’s evil to require a signature. The Bible says to let our yes be a yes and our no be a no.

Matthew 5:37 “Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.”

James 5:12 “But above all, my brothers, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or by any other oath, but let your “yes” be yes and your “no” be no, so that you may not fall under condemnation.”

Final Thoughts

Having a small group covenant is essential to setting the standards and expectations for the small group members. It’s a powerful tool to ensure everyone is on the same page and has the same priorities. When conflict is later brought up, this is a great resource to refer to help speed up the resolution. 

This could also be called a ‘Love Agreement’ because the purpose of this document is to protect people, encourage people, and agree to be available to each other. This is an agreement between people to love each and resolve anything that comes between that unity.